I feel I have so many pieces of puzzle..but all of them come from different puzzles..Understand that feeling? I don't want be Miss Emo.is lame. But I feel I want to just disappear from the map. Is that so impossible? I told a friend before. I wish not to depend on anyone. I want do things on my own. I finally understood why I said that. It's because when you used to depending on someone already, then one day those people you depend on is not there for you. You will feel so lost. How? I am a person who grew in time with a lot of newly found fears. Psychological problem? Traumatised. and still is. I am almost 23. And will I still think like a teenager, with all these problems, who am I?what am I?whata do I want?what do I want to do in the future? What is right for me? Simple answers, but I can't answer them. I did contemplate on moving out from this place. Found a place already actually. BUt, I don't want to create drama. I just want to slip out quietly. Perhaps then I can find myself again? I don't know who I am anymore........Feel like new person...Conflict..

I want to be a good person, but some how...until now I don't think I am that good. I have done so many things that I am not proud of. I feel I am better than this..Time to change. This is my promise to myself.....for now..I want to fade away..............into a galaxy far far away....................no more expectations...Hopefully in years to come, I will find myself again.... :)

If you really love that person, just let them go..don't be selfish....bid them goodbye...because this is best for them..and for the last time, pray that they will always be alright and happy...and never ever speak of it again...

Past is past....

Tuesday..Boring day..want to say something..just say to the wall also.............boring..boring.....Tomorrow is busy day...going to finish off my judul...lab...class...and then study....tonight..need study a lot..no time d.. :S

Let's do maths :)

Friend better than gf/bf.

No friend is sometimes better than bad friend.

Friend always better than enemy.

Peace always better than fight unless defend yourself.

Silence better than talk crap.

Careful make promises.

Careful what you wish for.

Always be clear of what we want.

Clear of all our principles.

Do right.

Do good.

Sayang ur family.

Take care of ourselves.

Know our priority.

Take care of dignity.

Patience is.....#1!

For what I have become now.. I am very happy with myself. But, i know I am not perfect. Now, I really don't know what to do. What to want. Where to go to. Who to talk to. I have no one anymore.

To that person? I am very sorry.......It is best to be like this now...I myself...think...it is not enough...Good also..one day you will find a person who will love you equally..for what I have now is not love...I also one day hope to love someone again..till that time comes..love only few things : Family Books + friends...and God! For those who didnt respect me..pls...why you doing this to me? just let me be...I went through a lot last year...half of me really feel like dead already...dont killl me even more..

From this time onwards detox time. I wan just stay i my room.....and do my things...dont want disturb anyone...I wan study....im not important...doesnt matter anyway...time will cure everything...if he can do it..why cannot I....

A friend said. Just be yourself. Yes, be myself. But what if myself is not good enough? Ever since I destroyed myself, I always think I am not good enough. I have no confident. Always do wrong. I know, no one is perfect. But am I that imperfect? I wonder when I can find the confidence again. Hope one day. I learn to accept myself and be happy with myself and learn to forgive myself of all the mistakes I have done.

Past few months I have learnt a lot. I feel I have changed. Maybe a bit grown up already. The process of growing up is not a smooth journey. I feel a lot of pain while going through this transition. Not trying to show emotion here. If can I wish not to be like this. The burden I had carried I can still feel the pressure on myself. But slowly going away. I learn to forgive myself. Maybe, that’s not entirely my fault. Some how I did something right. I do feel regret I wasted my time wasting myself. I really destroyed myself. Very stupid. For what right? To learn a lesson. Haha. I think the best education is outside the classroom. Education should also shape our attitude. Be a better person. I do feel shame of my old self. Asking myself, why are you so dumb. Haha….but it’s alright…again..LESSON LEARNT. I thank everyone who has taught me so much to make me the person who I am now. Ok…not all changes are good. Some people also feel my change is no good.

Anyways, life is a big mystery to me now. What will happen?I also don’t know. Will I survive this craziness?haha….God help me.:P I think I should just take life lightly. I learnt that recently. Not think too much. Eventually it will be okay. For those who never appreciate me. Of course there’s a reason why people are like that. What to do. I did wrong I guess. All I can say is. I apologise for not being a good person. But, I think I am cool enough..haha..I know, I may not be pretty, not smart, not hardworking…but always my intentions are never corrupted.

I know, I lack respect in some people. For this I only can say, NAH. I am fed up already. Whatever la. Pls, if cAN DON’T TALK to me again.

Wish can scream some profanity at someone. One day? Hate that person. Wish that person dead. hate that person. HATE THAT PERSON. How can one human be so hateful to me. I feel sin hating someone that much. Hate. I don't wish to talk to that person anymore.hate u hate u hate u. Can I give u a call? and JUST SCOLD?not drunk enough .LOL.but i know I HATE U. pls grow up. Wish can face time with you JUST TO SHOW U MIDDLE FINGER. BECAUSE I * HATE U.

=)

happy chinese new year. lol

I don't want anything else d..

Just study..

Enough of eveyrthing else..

My past still haunts me sometimes. I am a mess because of my past. I feel very sad because..it seems yes, although i seem to get what I want but..I never seem to fail to destroy it...even the things and ones I actually love more than myself.. Stupid right? Humans are very stupid. I am stupid human. People like me..should be let to be born. LOL. Horrible. The only thing that goes between me and happiness is myself. I feel a lot of pain no because of myself.I have a good friend. But gone. Why?because of myself.I never learn. because why?stupid lo. Simple answer.

Conclusion? Stupid. Manusia sgt bodoh.

Decide. DO. Don't think anymore. Case closed.

No more playing. Time to be serious.

Study hard.

Appreciate.

No more pain.

If you dont appreciate.

THen please leave. Don't ask for me.

I wish you were here- Vanilla Twillight~ :)

Dear blog.It seems I have been struck by a problem. I can't seem to decide. I don't know what I want. What is good for me. Of how I feel. But some how the answer seems so simple to some. But Im just afraid what if it's the wrong answer. If I were to go decide the right thing. Then it seems I would be going back to my old self old life. I don't want to go back there...something I don't wish to relive again. Don't know what to do...